Debate fever!

Since my last post, we've had our first and only Vice Presidential debate, and we are soon to experience our second, completely impromptu, absolutely extemporaneous, totally off-the-cuff town hall style debate. I can't wait to hear the questions read in the style of a Brave New World automaton--it's gonna be awesome. And it's the relative safety and ability to avoid the question built into our debate system that has gotten me thinking about some ways we could improve our debates, or at least make them more entertaining. Here are three of the best:

1. Instead of having debates in auditoriums in colleges around the country, the Citizens' Debate Commission could buy some land in the Nevada desert and build a debate Thunderdome. When the debates are conducted, pundits, journalists, and handlers can scale the outside of dome and bang the metal girders with their weapons to register their approval or displeasure of the debate. The Thunderdome will be available for any political race (how awesome would the local school board race be then) and televised via a closed circuit station. Also, all candidates will have to dress in post-apocalyptic Australian fetish gear, and all of the debates will be moderated by Tina Turner.

2. Since the candidates really don't answer the questions they are asked (or at least, they dodge the main question and find a way to answer the one they want to), why don't we make them adopt rhetorical styles of our choosing? The audience members will write down a pairing of a hero and a villain from literature or pop culture and drop it into a hat. Then, the candidates will have to answer in the styles randomly selected before each question. In the interest of fairness, the candidates will have to alternate being the villain. Such a debate system could lead to these classic match-ups:
-He-man vs. Skeletor (military policy)
-Papa Smurf vs. Gargamel (domestic policy)
-Yoda vs. the Emperor (foreign policy and Jedi rights)
-Optimus Prime vs. Megatron (technology)
-Ferris Bueller vs. Mr. Rooney (education)
-KITT vs. KARR (the economy)
-Storm Shadow vs. Snake-eyes (the silent ninja threat)

3. We could ask the candidates original, thought-provoking questions and demand that they be answered with honesty and candor. And immediately after the question is asked, the candidates will fight Medieval Times style with nerf weapons to determine who will answer it. The candidates will trade off as to who gets to choose the implements of the nerf dual. Then whoever is defeated in single, nerf combat must answer the question (as everybody knows that honesty is candidates' kryptonite). I think nerf would be more entertaining then paint-ball or lasertag, but I'm open to suggestions here.

So tomorrow night, while you watch the candidates try to one up each other on not screwing up, just think what might have been. And please, if you have any good hero/villain match-ups, please add 'em to the comments. Cheers!