One of the biggest struggles of my new fatherhood has been my relationship to sleep. Anna is nursing Addie, so there's a clearly defined limit of how much I can do to actually help her when Addie wakes up in the middle of the night. (Although, Addie did try to eat from my shirt when I was holding her the other day, but that's another story.) Basically, I want to help Anna, but, given the fact that I'm back at work full time, I also want to sleep. Essentially, I'm torn between how much I should sleep and how much I should help Anna.
To her credit, Anna has been fantastic about this. She's not gotten frustrated with me at all about my inability to wake up--even when I want to. Case in point, one night last week, as she was feeding Addie, I looked at Anna and said something akin to: "I'm gonna stay awake while you feed jasdferljkasdf;k;lk...snore." The next morning, Anna only asked me if I remember trying to talk to her with my eyes closed. I don't know if other new dads face this same issue--I want to be helpful, but I also want to be cognizant tomorrow morning.
To complicate things, when I do get to sleep, I have crazy dreams. There's really no need to clean the cobwebs out of my subconscious on the Internet (it's not that kind of blog!). To sum it up, I wake up every morning slightly rested and very confused. I've been spending the better part of the morning, while getting ready for work, trying to deconstruct my dreams. I'm kind of wondering why it is that in one dream, I'm visiting Colonial Williamsburg (I wonder if I would be a good blacksmith?), and then in the next I'm just watching TV. That's right, I had a dream where I just watched TV. I hoped, for a moment, that my brain was functioning as some sort of biological Tivo, recording over-the-air TV transmissions (I hope my brain can make the switch to digital next year--maybe I'll need an adapter). But no luck--I don't remember anything that I dream watched. It was probably just infomercials.
According to everyone I talk to, sleep will be a constant struggle over the next few months. One of my co-workers told me that this lack of sleep leads to a good tired. I only wish this good tired led to a sleep with less crazy dreams.
1 comment:
Good luck! My one bit of advice - when/if Addie takes a bottle you and Anna can take a night each - that way you know it is your responsibility to wake up for one night. Taking turns gives the other a chance at a night's sleep too. newborn feedings is what Brian is dreading too!
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