Okay, that's gross...

Prior to Addie being born, multiple experienced parents told me something akin to this: "You think it's gross now, but when it's your baby, it just doesn't bother you." Saturday night, Addie marked a first in her life. Shortly after we laid her down in her crib, Addie let loose her first (of many, probably) bazooka barf. Fortunately (or unfortunately, as it must have been spectacular), I did not see Addie unleash this targeted missile of goo. I discovered the evidence when I tried to lift Addie out of the crib only moments after the event.

Doing my best CSI:Montgomery, I was quickly led me to the conclusion that Addie was the culprit, as she was the only person in the room with the equipment (and motive?) required for a decent bazooka barf. Contrary to the wisdom provided to me from the parents above, and despite the fact that I love Addie dearly, running my fingers through a pool of half-digested milk was pretty grody. And Addie had it all over her. It was in her hair, all over her nightgown, and it soaked through the sheet and down through the mattress pad. Really, I'm rather impressed with her ability to empty the contents of her stomach in one triumphant spasm, but still--gross.

I would like to say that my first reaction to running my fingers through baby vomit was to whisk Addie out of the crib and take charge in Operation: Infant Hose Down. However, as soon as I processed that Addie had thrown up an entire stomach contents' worth of milk, I panicked and called Anna for help. Fortunately, Anna knows what she's doing, and easily took care of cleaning Addie. I took over the role of post-bazooka barf clean-up crew. After I put up the biohazard tape, drew some chalk outlines, and took applicable witness statements, I had all the dirty laundry in the wash.

Thankfully all evidence of the vomiting incident is now behind us, and Addie has not thrown up again, so she seems to be fine. She is clean and happy--but looking into her eyes, I'm afraid she's a recidivist. So now, I have to live with the knowledge that it's only a matter of time before she blows again. To all of you who told me these events aren't gross--I can hear you snickering.